Signs

It has been a rough couple of weeks people. The job was sucking worse the closer I was getting to the end. The 2 bitches were doing everything in their power to make me miserable and it was working as hard as I tried to not let it get to me. I couldn't understand it, I was leaving, just leave me the hell alone and let me finish out what I had to do. I had to say goodbye to some of my favorite students and teachers, telling them I wouldn't be back next year. I had one week to go.

Anyway, I subscribe to this thing that sends me messages from the universe everyday. The morning of the day this happened I got this message:

For every setback, disappointment and heartbreak, ask yourself, "What does this create the opportunity for?"

And therein you will find its gift.

Everything has a reason,
The Universe

That night it began at 2am. I was ignoring the pain, assuming it was a pinched nerve or something else. It felt a little less intense sitting on the couch, so I just sat out there and ended up falling back asleep. (now the day before had been extra horrible from the bitches and I had been told I needed a degree for the new job. So when I went to bed I thought I was going to have to stay at my old school and was a little very upset about that).

Anyway, about 4:30am the pain woke me up again. I was sweaty, my chest was really hurting and now it was in my shoulder and neck and knifing through to my back. I looked up symptoms on my Ipad and some fit but some didn't. About this time my husband realized I wasn't in bed and came to see what was going on. He said we are going to the hospital and I said no, I'll be okay. This back and forth went on for almost an hour. Then I went to the bathroom and when I stood up I felt this fear wash over me and something said "Go to the hospital NOW!" I got some clothes on walked out to the living room and my husband said can we go now? and I said yes.

So we drove across town to the hospital (35 minutes) and no one was in the ER. It was completely quiet. They took me right in and went to work. It wasn't 5 minutes later and all hell broke loose. The nurses said they'd never seen it this busy, that I'd started something.
My first nurse was wearing purple scrubs with butterflies, her name was Angela. (I read it as Angel) My mom's favorite color was purple and she had a thing for butterflies. My doctor's name was Albright. (I read it as Alright).They began hooking me up to all these machines, putting needles in me etc. Pumping me full of stuff, having me take nitro etc.

I was so scared. Terrified in fact. I was thinking "This is it, I'm going to die". I was bawling and my husband kept saying it's going to be okay, but I could tell he was scared too. He just kept staring at the monitor. I started telling him how stupid I've been staying at a job that I hated and had my priorities all screwed up. How much I loved him and the kids, to please tell the kids. I told him I want to "LIVE" my life! I want to have fun again. I love the ocean. We are about an hour away and used to go all the time. It's been over a year since I last went. I told him I want to go. I want to go camping and hiking and do things I've always wanted to do but put off. I told him if I make it, I am going to change the way I live. I'm going to start having fun again and trying new things and doing the things I used to do, but never made time for. I want to read the stack of books collecting dust. I want to figure out a way to go visit my daughter that lives in Scotland. I'm tired of just going through the motions, that's not what life is supposed to be.

At that moment they decided I needed a CT scan. They feared because of my AFib I may have thrown a clot into my lungs. When they wheeled me into the CT room, there was a big "Believe" stenciled on the wall (That's my mantra. I have it all over the place). Then I looked on the ceiling and there was this stained glass panel over the lights that was all these butterflies. I immediately felt and knew my mom was with me. I felt this warmth and calm wash over me. I just knew I was going to be okay. I relaxed and giggled. The tech asked if I was okay and I said yeah I feel really happy and he said must be the drugs, but I knew otherwise.
When they took me to my room it was number #321. The number 3 and 4 kept popping up too. I have a book that interprets number messages from angels. These are special numbers.

My new nurse's last name was Rodger. (That's my dad's name). There was a wipe board in the room that they wrote info on. They used a purple pen. There was also a picture on the wall of a butterfly.
Between times when people were in my room, I flipped on the TV and was surfing and stopped on a Will and Grace. It was an episode about his dad being a workaholic and not accepting him for who he was. They got in a big fight and he left. The next day his mom called to say his dad had had a heart attack and when Will asked where they were, she said he didn't make it.

That night after everyone left, I couldn't sleep, so I again turned on the TV and was surfing and came to the movie "Signs". It was at the exact part where he is asking Marrel if he believes in signs...

The next day, I was laying in bed and was staring out the window and thinking about everything that had happened and how I could have died and how I was not living my life the way I wanted to, my priorities were screwed up etc. And I was thinking of asking the nurse if they had a pastor or someone in the building like that I could talk to. At that second, there was a knock on the door and in walks the hospital pastor! After we talked for a few minutes and I told him what I had just thought. He said he doesn't visit every patient. Before he starts his day, he prays and he asks God to guide him to the people that need him.

After he left, a few minutes later in walks my pastor's wife. She is a dietitian at the hospital. She had seen my name on the board and stopped by to check on me. We had a long talk about life and God and signs too.
When I got home, I was checking my email and here was the message from the universe:

Rainbows and butterflies, cattails and dandelions, waterfalls and rainforests, puppy dogs and dragonflies, sea foam and orcas, sunshine and comets, snowflakes and icicles, wildflowers and you... Did I think of everything, or what? And now you can think of whatever you want, no pressure.

And then this was the one for the next day: The best way to forgive, is not to blame. Besides, we have forever and ever to look forward to. And then here is today's: It's not the steps that matter, but the path. And the path will take care of itself, when you keep focused on your destination. I'm sure some of you don't believe in all this, but I do and it got me through. I don't believe in coincidence. Everything happens for a reason and there is a plan. This whole experience reaffirmed that for me. Right up until that day I was still questioning my decision to change jobs. But not now. I got the message loud and clear. And by the way, all the people I worked with for nearly 9 years, that I cared so much about that I didn't want to put any strain on by changing jobs and them having to train someone new...never got me a gift, flowers, even a card that they all signed saying good bye! I also never heard boo from any of them while I was in the hospital. All that makes it easier to walk away too. I had to go back to work yesterday to wrap up loose ends and turn in my keys. As I was driving down the driveway looking at the school in my rear view mirror I felt calm, happy, a weight lifting off my shoulders. There weren't any tears or sadness, just relief. I know I am doing the right thing. So now it's on to the next chapter of my life. I was lucky. It was a mild heart attack, no long term damage. It was a wake up call. I just need to take it easy a few weeks and then be able to resume normal activities.